“Babes, you’d never guess what that girl from the dating site sent to me!” Sebastian Vanti crowed to his lunch partner and held his phone out, squinting in the late-morning sun.
Tiffy leant in and snorted her latte at the duck-faced, badly lit shambles of a selfie displayed.
“Oh no babes, have you not heard of angles, it’s the twenty-first century, you’re gonna need to up your game to swim in this pond darling. Jesus. Are you sure she actually wants to sleep with you, Van?” Tiffy swirled her coffee contemplatively and stared at her new friend. They’d become close since his joining the International Federation for Archaeological Preservation, where Tiffy had been tasked with welcoming him to the site in the Director’s absence. She’d been charmed by his enthusiasm and flamboyance and had been secretly trying to figure out his deal ever since.
“Maybe you’d have more luck on something else… like Grindr?” she prodded.
The brief awkward silence flooded their table, seeming to still the swirls of steam from the drinks and hush the birds scavenging for crumbs.
“Babes, what do mean Grindr? I’m not gay sweetheart,” Van tilted his head and stared at Tiffy’s rising blush.
“Did you think I was? Is that why you keep telling me how cute Javier is? Cos I’ve got eyes babe, and I agree, but he isn’t my type!”
Tiffy blushed harder and stared at her coffee. She and her boss had a running joke about offering any gods listening a good deal on proving their existence in exchange for helping humans out of awkward situations, it hadn’t worked yet but Clara swore it had to one day. Seemingly today was not that day and Tiffy had no choice but to look up.
Vanti’s gaze was kind but a little amused.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed, I just…” Tiffy floundered.
“Assumed?” Van finished for her and took a sip of his mocha.
Tiffy nodded and instinctively tensed up.
Vanti spotted the drawn-in shoulders and felt bad for the woman.
“You aren’t the first to assume that babes, no harm. But you are about as subtle as a billboard, you know that, right? I’m hetero, straight as an arrow darling. So, Grindr or any of that space hold no charm for me I’m afraid,” He reached over to squeeze her hand and smiled reassuringly.
Tiffy squeezed back and felt a flood of relief that he wasn’t offended. The devil that held permanent residency on her shoulder piped up, and she grinned a little. If he was fine, then she could take the piss a bit.
Tiffy leant forwards with a solemn expression and took his hand in both of hers. Dripping with sincerity she declared,
“Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me you’re straight, I know it must have been hard for you, and I’m here if you want to talk about anything. It’s really tough and you sharing this means a lot, I’m here for you babes, ok?” She did her best soulful stare, trying desperately to smooth out the grin that threatened to twist her mouth.
Vanti’s eyebrows raced to his hairline and he stared at her over his sunglasses.
Tiffy wavered slightly, not yet familiar enough with him to read his expression. She’d thought it funny, especially given the diversity in orientation in the team they worked in. The silence that had been quelled returned with a vengeance and wrapped itself around the table in the bright courtyard.
Vanti put his cup down and wrapped his free hand around both of hers. An impish smile lit his features as he leant in to meet Tiffy,
“Thank you, babes, I really appreciate you being there for me. This took a lot for me to say, but I can’t hide it anymore! It’s true! I am a straight, cis-gendered man!” he hammed up the drama and threw his head onto his arms Disney-princess fashion.
Tiffy tried and failed to hold back the giggles, loving the faux-dramatics and joining-in with her joke. She beamed and ruffled his habitually neat hair.
“I am sorry I interfered babes, for reals,” she leant back and picked up her rapidly cooling drink.
Vanti smiled genuinely and shook his head.
“No worries darling, I know where the assumption comes from. I’m quite enjoying being able to be me at work without people shouting obscenities at me. I mean, I’m a little hurt if Javi thinks I’m gay that he hasn’t asked me out, but I’ll get over it!” he made a face and stole the last piece of the Danish they’d shared.
Tiffy burst out laughing.
“What?”
“Javi has a thing for another member of staff, and if what my spies tell me is true, we’ll be seeing how that adorable workplace romance pans out very soon, it isn’t you babes!” she drained her mug and set it down.
“Speaking of…” she looked meaningfully across the yard to the outdoor track, where Joe MacKenna was doing circuits.
Javier, his team-mate, was stood with a stopwatch and a truly focussed stare as the lanky Scotsman loped between stations. His entire body shifted to track every twitch of Mac’s movements, his plump bottom lip caught between his teeth in an almost parodical tableau of voyeurism and want.
“Well, I feel like I might need a cigarette after that. Holy sexual tension Batwoman, how has that boy not combusted under the heat in that gaze?!” Vanti fanned himself and tipped his shades down to get a better look.
“We’ve all been asking that for months.” Tiffy slid a small black notebook and a pen from her bag,
“You, er, want to get in on the pool we’ve got going?” She curled the question around an obvious false innocence and Vanti almost felt his wallet get lighter automatically.
“I’m not a betting woman when it comes to cash darling, but I’m all for a good forfeit for the loser,” he grinned.
Tiffy recognised the twisted, devious smile of a true troll and grinned back. She liked this one, shame he wasn’t her type either, else she’d definitely consider him for part of the harem Clara kept joking about.
“You’re on babes, what did you have in mind? Making a flag out of your undies to run up the pole at the gates?” she teased.
“Maybe not a flag, but it’s a good start…”
“Then we will define terms sir, and it’s a gentleman’s agreement!” Tiffy crowed. She could take this guy easily. His man-panties had her name on them.