Just a quick note for today guys- about one of the most important things in sex after consent, communication, and patience.
Lube.
Lubricant.
Slick, wetness, slide, dew, honey, slip, or, sorry about this one, moistness!
I’m going to start with a bold statement. It is pretty much impossible to have good sex dry. I am not here to kink-shame, if a dry thrust is your jam, then play on player, and check your partner/s are into it too.
However, for the rest of us, it really is better down where it’s wetter. The feel of a well-drenched vagina responding to appropriate attention is nothing short of bloody marvellous, and for those who’s partners have that particular equipment, it really does make foreplay a lot easier. Some people get wet just walking past a nice pair of shoes, some don’t get wet at all.
There’s endless resources all over the internet to support people through their journey to slippery excellence, but seriously- it isn’t in any way, shape, or form a failing to be drier than average, or drier than usual for you. Hydration, stress, diet, exercise, arousal, sleep patterns, temperature, humidity, anxiety, personal comfort levels, hormone levels and fluctuations and quite frankly, Murphy’s Law, all play a part (it is a rule that on the one occasion you have no lube but often manage without, is the one time you are a literal Sahara…). There’s no shame in needing, wanting, using or enjoying some help.
Alone- (I was recently told for younger chaps it’s referred to as a ‘posh wank’) lube helps keep your skin soft and helps hands/toys get to where they need to go, with partners it both helps sex feel better in and of itself, and helps remove some of the potential stress barriers even if you’re usually a fountain.
With certain activities (butts don’t self-lube folks, they just don’t. At all.) lube massively reduces the risk to you and your partner/s from actual physical harm such as tearing. Lube also performs this small miracle for other penetrative sex, but seriously, lube the butts you fuck. It’s rude not to.
Regardless of your gender or sexual preferences, there’s a literal smorgasbord of choice when it comes to slipping your slide, flavours, feels, smells and numbing/ tingling as required. Experiment, alone if that’s easier for you, not everyone wants to try warming lube in public for the first time. (My advice- keep a washcloth nearby just in case you don’t like it and try it on non-genital skin first. Like a forearm, or knee perhaps.)
There’s often sachet sizes for little money you can test with, find out what you like before investing in a reliable choice you can have on-hand for daily use. And pump top bottles. Please, if you take nothing else from this- pump top bottles that you can operate with one hand. Because the other hand is *hopefully* busy.
From a personal level, it is absolutely panty-dropping hot when you meet a potential new person you may wish to have sex with, and they ask you if you have a favourite brand. Its even hotter when it’s the same as yours… (Liquid Silk for reference, and no, this is not a sponsored post).
In this consent-driven age, be the informed party, do your research. Find out what types work with which toys. Not least economically- decent sex toys are expensive and using the wrong lube with them can be a problem for the silicone coatings. Be aware of people’s allergies- no one wants to end a liaison in the emergency room with a suspicious rash, no matter how good a story it makes. Surely the better finish is to…finish?
In closing- I deliberately try to include lube usage in my writing as often as I can. I want to write relatable, hot, sexy, immersible content you can really engage with, and bringing lube into that conversation more frequently is really important to me. Especially if you’re (how to put this…) reading along with the characters? So much sex education is through porn or erotica these days, and my personal hope is that if my stories can nudge even a couple of people into having better, wetter, sex on the regular, then my contribution to the world at large is a net positive!
What are your favourite brands/ types?
Do you prefer a tingling or a numbing sensation?
Does anyone else think the banana flavoured ones are just a bit… weird?
Love, Frankie xx